Fergus

This page is dedicated to a very special friend of mine.

Fergus was born on the 14th of March 1975 and died on the 5th of December 1998.

Our friendship lasted only four years, but it felt like so much longer. He was such a sweet guy, honest, respectable, outgoing, dependable, friendly and a million other words that I could use to describe him. One of my closest friends.

Over the time that I knew him, he became somewhat of an inspiration to me. He had always been really open about his sexuality, to him it was never a problem. Problem is the wrong word for it, issue is more like it. He came from an incredibly supportive and caring family, who always gave their all for him, no matter what he decided to do, what choices he made in his life, even when he got things wrong. And that is a point, he would always admit if he got things wrong.

It is because of Fergus that 18 months ago I became interested in the Stonewall Equality 2000 campaign. This was as a result of a bad time Fergus was having with a colleague at that point. Please take a moment to visit the Stonewall website.

He never faced any prejudice throughout his life, which I must admit I found quite surprising. He claimed never to have encountered any of the name calling, nasty looks, snide comments or even physical abuse that so many young gay people face on a daily basis.

He never ever tried to force his views or his politics on anyone else, he always respected other people's opinions. He treated people with respect if they showed him the respect he deserved.

Fergus was diagnosed HIV Positive in September 1998, and this seriously changed my outlook on life. Together we learned so much about this illness, and found the Terence Higgins Trust to be an invaluable source of information. Unfortunately, Fergus seemed less able to deal with this problem, as he had everything else he had ever faced. He died, alone, far from home on Saturday 5th December 1998. He left behind a huge hole that it is impossible to fill. For his family, his friends, his colleagues, for me. I will always miss him, and even though he has gone he will always be special to me.

Here's something that Glinda sent me one night when I was feeling a bit low:

The Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there maybe in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly & clearly;

and listen to the others, even to the dull

and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive people;

they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career,

however humble; it is a real possession

in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born out of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labours & aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

By Marx Ehrmann